Those jerks always got what they wanted.
No matter how much they insulted or abused, they would get their way and be successful. I didn’t want to believe that nice guys finished last, but it became truer by the day for me. It was always tough coming up with snappy comebacks or various insults to make others back off from me.
Do I have to be like them in order to get ahead?
I did value kindness, but I felt that it wasn’t enough for me. I wished I could intellectually intimidate others and break their self-esteem. Mine was broken, and theirs should be, too. Maybe I could shame others for what they like since I was shamed for my (former) interests. This wasn’t bullying. This is a counterattack from all the pain I’ve endured (emotional, psychological, and at times physical). I shouldn’t have to be thinking like this.
How is it that I had an easier time doing a hundred pushups a day for a whole month than finding ways to damage people’s egos?